Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You pole danced in your parka.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
