when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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