So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
