Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
