I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
