I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
