Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
