ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
