I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
