I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
