i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
