If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i wish my penis had a tongue
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
