i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
