Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
