hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
