How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
