Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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