I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
