Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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