We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
