we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
