I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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