you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
