i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
