Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
