"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
