we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
