I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
