Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
