I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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