I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
