The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
