Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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