at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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