i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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