Got a toothbrush?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
