hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
