dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
