He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
