the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just pee around me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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