then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
