I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
