my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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