I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
