i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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