They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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