he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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