Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
