If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
