First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
