32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize