i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"it" just moved
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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