that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
