you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
