Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
