the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
