: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
