And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
