I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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