Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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