Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
