My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
too bad you live with your parents still
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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