she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
