but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
