I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
