You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
