she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
