just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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