i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
