Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
