used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
