So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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