it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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