4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
