Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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