the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
